Outgrowing Friends as Your Business Grows (How to Find Your People)

Think about someone you used to talk to every single day. Someone who knew your coffee order, who you called first when something good happened. This person felt like home. And now the conversation feels different, smaller, maybe nonexistent. If your stomach did a little whoof just reading that, good. It means we're talking about the real thing today.

Here's the part that gets left out of every "being your own boss is amazing" conversation: the more you become yourself, sometimes that means becoming less familiar to the people who loved the earlier version of you. After coaching well over 1,000 women through their businesses in the last six and a half years, I can tell you this happens to almost everyone. Nobody wants to outgrow their people. But sometimes you do, and the rooms that used to feel comfortable start to feel quiet.

The flat response

We've had a few Aligned CEO Method members recently have huge, life-changing wins in their businesses. And when they went to tell friends who aren't in business, they were met with a flat, lackluster response. One of them said something that stuck with me: "I can really recognize my own growth, because that would have used to hurt my feelings. Now I'm just so happy I'm in a room where I can share it and be met with jumping up and down and screaming for me." That's exactly what happened when she shared with us.

I know this feeling personally, and not in a small way. One of my best friends and I moved to Australia together, both teachers taking a year off. Four months in, I wanted out of the party scene and into personal development. I met someone who knew a publisher, and suddenly I was going to write my book. When I shared that news with her, she wasn't just unexcited. She pulled back and said things like "you're not as fun as you used to be" and "you think you're better now." The person I moved across the world with, I have never spoken to since.

So when clients tell me "my partner doesn't get it, my best friend doesn't get it, my mom doesn't get it," I say: pull up a seat, sister. If there's anybody you can talk to about this, it's me.

You're allowed to grieve it

What I wish a coach had told me back in 2016 is that I wasn't too much. That wanting a big life is not a character flaw. That real growth comes with seasons of discomfort and distance, and that you're allowed to feel the loss of that closeness at the exact same time you feel proud of what you're building. Both things were true for me: I was grieving a best friendship and thrilled about becoming a bestselling author, at the same time.

That season is grief, and almost nobody talks about grief in business. Grieving the easy conversations. Grieving being fully understood without having to explain your ambition, your morning routine, your vision. And here's the danger: too many women sit in that grief and start lowering their standards. They decide it would be easier to make themselves smaller again than to keep explaining themselves. Please don't. Let yourself feel sad about a friendship that used to be, and keep growing forward. Your grief and your growth can hold hands. What you can't do is stuff it down, because unprocessed grief turns into resentment, self-doubt, and that quiet whisper of "maybe something's wrong with me." Nothing is wrong with you. You're evolving.

How to find your people without lowering your standards

When I moved to Victoria at the end of 2017, I knew nobody. No friends, no circle, a brand new city, and a business vision everyone questioned because "you're supposed to be a teacher." Here's what actually worked.

First, anchor into yourself. Get honest about who you are, who you're becoming, and who you need around you. That relationship with yourself becomes the magnet for every relationship around you.

Second, put yourself in the rooms. You cannot out-think your way into a new circle from your couch. When I was building my first venture, I taught yoga everywhere, showed up at every event, and Lululemon eventually chose my nonprofit as a Here to Be partner. The acceleration in my life came from proximity to the right people, and proximity required getting up and going. Events, masterminds, retreats built for people doing what you're doing. And if you're telling yourself you can't go alone: show up, own the room, and say out loud "it feels wildly uncomfortable to be here on my own, but I wanted to meet new people." People are drawn to that like a moth to a light.

Third, be the friend you're hoping to find. Reach out first. Ask the questions. Celebrate other people without it meaning anything about you. Tony Robbins says anything you want in life, go give it away. If you want a biz bestie, be one.

Fourth, take inventory. Not every old friendship has to end. I have a friend since we were four years old who isn't wired the way I am, and our friendship still feels like a meeting halfway. Some relationships just need new expectations of what they can realistically hold right now. Give people the chance to grow alongside you if they're willing. Just don't wait around if they're not.

Outgrowing people is proof

You get to be ambitious. You get to be disciplined, visionary, and committed to the life you're building. If some relationships feel distant right now, that's not punishment. It's proof of how much you're growing. Keep your standards high, put yourself in new rooms, and trust that the people who can meet you exactly where you are now are already on their way to you. What you want wants you back.

If you're craving a room where your wins get celebrated loudly, that's exactly what we built. Come meet us inside Aligned CEO Method, or put yourself in the most energizing room we know and grab your ticket to SHE LEADS 2027. This post comes from an episode of the My Aligned Purpose podcast, which you can listen to and follow here. And if you're not sure what your next move is, take the free 30-second quiz to find your clearest path to more cash flow.